501 Excuses for a Bad Golf Shot

There's no excuse for a bad golf shot, but it's handy to have one ready just in case, or 501 for that matter.

Here are just a few: It's this new putter; I thought we were using the green over there; The ground is too dry. My divots aren't coming off smoothly; My glove is wet, I can't get a good grip; My old caddy's notes are in Japanese and I can't interpret them since he was deported; The wind keeps shifting direction when I hit; These clubs are instruments of torture -I hate this game.