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Description - Our Tiny, Useless Hearts by Toni Jordan

Henry has ended his marriage to Caroline and headed off to Noosa with Mercedes' grade three teacher, Martha.
Caroline, having shredded a wardrobe-full of Henry's suits, has gone after them.
Craig and Lesley have dropped over briefly from next door to catch up on the fallout from Henry and Caroline's all-night row.
And Janice, Caroline's sister, is staying for the weekend to look after the girls because Janice is the sensible one. A microbiologist with a job she loves, a fervent belief in the beauty of the scientific method and a determination to make a solo life after her divorce from Alec.
Then Craig returns through the bedroom window expecting a tryst with Caroline and finds Janice in her bed, Lesley storms in with a jealous heart and a mouthful of threats, Henry, Caroline and Martha arrive back from the airport in separate taxis-and let's not even get started on Brayden the pizza guy.
Janice can cope with all that. But when Alec knocks on the door things suddenly get complicated.
Harnessing the exquisite timing of the great comedies to the narrative power and emotional intelligence for which she is famous, Toni Jordan brings all her wit, wisdom and flair to this brilliant, hilarious novel.

'A new Toni Jordan is always a special pleasure and her latest is a wonderful, witty treat of a novel- cutting and clever, and yet so very romantic, as though P.G. Wodehouse had satirised life in the suburbs.' Liane Moriarty

Buy Our Tiny, Useless Hearts by Toni Jordan from Australia's Online Independent Bookstore, Boomerang Books.

Book Details

ISBN: 9781925355451
ISBN-10: 1925355454
Format: Paperback / softback
(231mm x 154mm x 21mm)
Pages: 288
Imprint: The Text Publishing Company
Publisher: Text Publishing Co
Publish Date: 2-May-2016
Country of Publication: Australia

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Book Reviews - Our Tiny, Useless Hearts by Toni Jordan

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Book Review: Our Tiny, Useless Hearts by Toni Jordan - Reviewed by (19 Apr 2016)

“Please tell me you’re here because you’re moonlighting as a surprise volunteer naked door-to-door mattress inspector”

Our Tiny, Useless Hearts is the fourth novel by award-winning Australian author, Toni Jordan. It’s Saturday morning, and Janice (38, microbiologist) would normally be at the lab tending to her nice, predictable bacteria. But today, she’s at her sister’s place, dealing with unpredictable humans, trying to avert disaster.

Caroline (41, mother of Mercedes and Paris) is having a meltdown: Henry, her husband of fifteen years, is leaving. As he packs his belongings, Janice scoots between husband and wife, desperate to mend the rift for the sake of her young nieces. Mercedes readily offers opinions but Paris is worryingly silent. In the midst of this drama, Craig and Lesley, next-door neighbours pop in to offer gratuitous advice.

Janice’s efforts are unsuccessful: the fact that she divorced Alec, the love of her life, two years ago, apparently disqualifies her from offering relationship advice. Henry is determined, and soon pretty young Martha (Miss Roland, teacher of Mercedes) turns up to collect him in her jaunty orange VW beetle.

Jordan gives the reader a sitcom that would be easy to envisage on the stage: characters depart on flights to Noosa (and return unexpectedly); climb a garden trellis; turn up naked in the wrong bed; talk at crossed purposes; are overcome by passion (or pretend to be). Doorbells ring at highly inopportune moments; ex’s, mistresses, lovers and neighbours turn up to stay the night; secrets are revealed.

The strength of any good farce lies with the dialogue, and Jordan fills her novel with clever banter, malapropisms and the delightful observations of children: “It’s only for grown-ups. It’s sour, but when you get old, that’s what you like” (Mercedes on wine).

Except for the charming Mercedes and Paris, all the characters are flawed and very human. Some, like Alec, are (very) appealing, some, like Craig, eminently throttle-able: “You’re allowed to experience lust. It’s natural. I hate to see female passion being suppressed by the societal conventions of the male-dominant paradigm of the phallocentric patriarchy”.

Amidst the comedy, Jordan manages to touch on infidelity (of course), infertility, single-parent families, a common childhood misconception about cats and dogs, and the contents of the high cupboard in the kitchen. There are plenty of laugh-out-loud moments, but also one or two to cause a lump in the throat.

There should be a warning attached to this book, however. Reading in public may garner disapproval due to the inelegant snorting, snickering and laughing out loud which is inevitable. Similarly, reading certain passages whilst eating or drinking is inadvisable due to a possible choking hazard or other food/drink related mishap.

The back-cover blurb states “Toni Jordan harnesses the exquisite timing of classic farce to the narrative power and emotional intelligence for which she is famous to produce a brilliant, heartbreaking, hilarious novel”. A more accurate or succinct description than this would be difficult to conceive. This book is an absolute pleasure to read and fans of Jordan’s work will not be disappointed.


Author Biography - Toni Jordan

Toni Jordan is the author of four novels. The international bestseller Addition (2008), was a Richard and Judy Bookclub pick and was longlisted for the Miles Franklin award. Fall Girl (2010) was published internationally and has been optioned for film, and Nine Days was awarded Best Fiction at the 2012 Indie Awards, was shortlisted for the ABIA Best General Fiction award and was named in Kirkus Review's top 10 Historical Novels of 2013. Her latest novel is Our Tiny, Useless Hearts (2016). Toni has been widely published in newspapers and magazines.

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